My Worst Ex Ever

Why some women fall for dangerous men and why I understand more than I’d like to

Photo by Alexander Londoño on Unsplash

Have you seen the episode of My Worst Ex Ever that featured Wade Wilson? He’s the moderately good-looking guy with tattoos all over his face. He initially appeared to be a charming partner, but his behavior soon escalated to kidnapping, assault, and ultimately the double murder of two women in Florida. He was sentenced to death and is currently on death row.

Strangely enough, he has reportedly received more than 3,900 messages from women and fans since his June 2024 conviction. According to the Lee County Sheriff’s Office, Wilson has also received 754 photos, 163 of which were rejected for being inappropriate. He’s even making money now from merchandise.

Why are women throwing themselves at a man like this? I understand the appeal of a bad boy, but come on—he’s a murderer. He was abusive to every woman he was with. He would do that again.

I was bewildered by this, so I did a little research.

I learned there is actually a word for being attracted to violent criminals who have committed heinous crimes. The phenomenon is known as hybristophilia.

As I dug deeper, I learned that people who develop these kinds of attractions often share certain life experiences or personality traits.

Many have experienced childhood trauma, neglect, abandonment, or unhealthy relationships. Others may struggle with self-worth, have a strong desire to rescue or fix people, or mistake emotional intensity for genuine intimacy.

Some are drawn to excitement and danger. Others are searching for validation, connection, or a sense of purpose.

Why would we expect someone who has no regard for what’s legal, ethical and moral to handle our heart with care?

Of course, having any of these traits doesn’t mean you’re going to fall in love with a serial killer. Plenty of people carry emotional wounds and never find themselves writing fan mail to someone on death row.

But our past experiences can shape what feels familiar to us. Sometimes people are drawn toward relationships that mirror old patterns, even when those patterns are unhealthy.

The human mind is a strange thing.

Looking at the list above, I can identify with a few of those traits myself. I’ve definitely had fixer tendencies.

One Halloween I literally posted this on FB:

And just so the title won’t be clickbait, I will tell you about my worst ex ever.

Hmm. Let’s see. Which one should I choose?

Oh, yeah...

I had been living in Florida for five years and hadn’t gone on a single date. Which I was ok with. I wasn’t looking for a man. But one night, I started thinking about how impossible it was for me to even meet a man. The only places I ever went were convenience stores. My job had me stopping at almost every convenience store in Bay County to collect money from newspaper sales.

And really, how are you supposed to meet someone that you want to date at a convenience store?

The very next day, I met a man that I wanted to date at a convenience store. I remember thinking maybe this was God’s way of showing me that He can send you a man, no matter where you are or where you go. Don’t tell Him something is impossible.

He had rippling muscles and was insecure, jealous and verbally abusive.

We dated for three months.

During that time, I paid his rent twice, he maxed out one of my credit cards, and then he stole my car.

That was when I finally realized that my picker was broken and I quit dating.

Maybe the common thread is that attraction alone isn’t enough. Character matters. Integrity matters. Emotional health matters. The older I get, the more I realize that finding a good relationship starts long before you meet another person. It starts with becoming the kind of person who recognizes their own value, sets healthy boundaries, and refuses to settle for less than they deserve.

When we focus on becoming the best version of ourselves, we stand a much better chance of attracting someone who is doing the same.

Hey, hit reply and tell me about your worst ex ever. :)

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